New cover!

New cover for Tales of a Nuisance Man!


Excerpt from The Pipes of Wrath

I rapped on the counter and walked to the Board. There was some good stuff on there, including an actual harpy. That was exciting and gross, all at the same time. Winged creatures are always a little more of a challenge, due to the fact that they can simply fly out of range, but they usually carry a bigger pay off because of that. And harpies in general are just disgusting. They’re essentially huge vultures, with the heads and breasts of old ladies.
Not the sort of old lady who gains wisdom and sophistication over the years, but the type that you envision shoving innocent children into ovens inside cabins made of candy. And they still eat roadkill and carrion, so they stink to the high heavens. I know nothing about their “culture”, if they can be said to have any, but they are somewhat intelligent. They talk, even if what they have to say is mostly curses and foul language.
What was strange, other than there being one in Capitol City, was that there was only one. Like most birds, they flew in flocks, so there should have been several. This one was hanging out around a fountain on Silver Tree Lane, one of the high-brow areas of the city. It was leaving its droppings and the remains of its meals around, and the denizens of the street wanted it gone. (more…)


Merry Christmas

Here’s a new Duke Grandfather adventure, not available anywhere else. Enjoy!

 

 

THE SPRITE

Capital City doesn’t get very cold, at least not on a regular basis. But there’s something about this time of year that makes everyone think it should. I’m not sure why, but when you’re out and about on the streets, and your breath is making clouds in the air, everyone seems to be in a better mood. They say weird things, like “excuse me”, or “Happy Holiday”, or even, “A joyous Solstina to you!”
Which is what I guess all the goodwill and smiles are about. Solstina is one of the only holidays that, while not officially sanctioned by the Crown, might as well be. Everywhere you look people have hung up festive decorations in yellow and black, and depictions of a large, bearded man, smiling down on you from his eleven foot height, are all over the place. He’s usually shown with a large bag, from which he’s been known to pull toys out for girls and boys who have behaved, (or at least not misbehaved so badly that they’re in the children’s section of the Lock-ups).
The big fellow is called by many names, although the most common is Father Solstina. Solstina is the celebration of the birth of the Spring Lord, who comes every year, showing that winter, such as it is around here, will end, and the sun will warm the land and so on. Personally, I don’t buy it, but the season is fun, and it’s getting more and more grandiose every year.
Those of us who don’t have children spend the day in other pursuits. We visit friends and family, often inside of a comfortable tavern. Or at least, that’s where I tended to do it, since that’s where I know most of my friends from. Some, and I say this with a great deal of sadness, are forced to spend the day with family. But then there are still others, who have no one to turn to, and pass the day the same way that they would any other. Even the best holiday will always pass a few poor souls by. (more…)


Lilly

Here’s an excerpt from Tales of a Nuisance Man. I hope you enjoy it.

LILLY

There’s a special place in hell, or at least there should be, for those that disturb you when you’re trying to sleep. Why is it that people expect you to get up at an ungodly hour just because they have? Since when did it become a law, that after a certain age, you have to get up before noon?

So it was with ill humor that I rousted myself from my comfortable bed to the sounds of the hammering on my front door. I stomped to it, ripped it open and growled, “What?” in my best imitation of a dragon with a thorn in its paw. I’m sure my breath backed up that imitation, after a night of drinking with my friend, Jessup.

The light flared in, sending sharp needles of pain throughout my head and I squinted against it, unable to see.

“Let’s go, Grandfather,” a voice said. “We’ve got things to do.”

I knew the voice, but hadn’t really expected to ever hear it again. I rubbed my eyes, shaded them with my hand and looked at the attractive, blonde woman, dressed in red robes, standing on my door step.

“Lilly? What…”

I didn’t get any further before she barged in past me.

“God, Grandfather, you smell like the ass end of a troll. Come on. Clean yourself up, the days not getting any younger.”

The day felt plenty young to me still, as evidenced by the fact that I had no idea what was going on.

“I’m…confused…” I stuttered.

“Color me surprised,” Lilly said, looking around. “Seems to me that you probably live half your life that way. Where’s the kitchen? I’ll make coffee while you scrape the fuzz off.”

I pointed and she walked in like she owned the place.

“See you in five,” she said over her shoulder. (more…)